Today I thought it would be a good idea to bring it back down to the basics. First things first, you’ve gotta get a cage for your ferret. Now, most people get their ferrets a reasonably small cage, maybe the size of a large dog kennel with one or two floors, but not me. My ferret doesn’t live in a one-story cage, not a two-story cage, but a four-floor ferret mansion! That’s right, he’s got the ferret pirate ship, a dual-layered hammock, and a mint condition Egyptian cotton microfiber blanket, as well as a full-service kitchen and two full-sized bathrooms. He’s living that ferret high life, know what I’m saying? Why two bathrooms? Well, I’ve heard that some ferrets occasionally miss the litter box but not this guy, my ferret is way better than your ferret.
Now, what do you feed a ferret? Some people go the natural route with live mice. I ain’t messing with that. Ferrets are obligate carnivores just like cats, so some people buy their ferrets cat food but not me. If it ain’t made for ferrets, I ain’t giving it to my ferret. I feed him a kibble but not just one kibble, three kibbles. Why? Because I treat my ferret right. It’s because if one company changes its formula or discontinues a product or something, you can mix it up. They imprint on one type of food when they’re young, and that’s it if you only have one food that can cause problems. Having three meals can get pretty expensive, though. For as little as $1 a month, you can help feed this starving ferret.
But it’s also good because he doesn’t mess with no human food. The only things he likes are chocolate and to lick the color off of a runt. He won’t eat the runt, which is good I guess, but he’ll lick the color off of it and leave it. Weeks after I bought a box of runts I’ll find a white banana hiding under the couch or something. Anyway, what kind of food do I usually buy?
I should probably mention that none of these have sponsored me.
Zupreem Ferret Diet
First, the Zupreem ferret diet. My ferret used to be on the grain-free variety, but that actually gave him a bladder stone the size of a skittle that had to be removed surgically. The vet said that she’d removed smaller stones from 100-pound dogs. Back to the normal stuff. It seems fine, no problems, but that is the reason why you gotta mix foods.
Wysong Epigen 90
Second, we got this Wysong Epigen 90. I don’t know what any of that means, but it sounds expensive.
Wellness Core Natural Grain
And lastly, we got this Wellness Core Natural Grain made especially for ferrets by ferrets. Anyway, I mix all three of those together, and then I pour in a little of another item. It’s basically just like fish oil or something. It keeps his fur all soft, and he loves it, maybe a little too much. Then I mix it all together with a little chew stick which he saves for dessert. This guy’s got epic restraint, he’s totally zen.
The Flu & Dressing Your Ferret
Wheatley (that’s his name) just got over the flu. Yes, ferrets can get human flu. So because of that, I’ve been adding a little Pedialyte in with his water, absolutely tasteless and keeps his stomach from making a mess of things.
First, I have a pirate shirt, it came with the pirate ship hammock. Then I got this sweet matching stripey sweater and funny hat for those cold days. And for all those times we got picking up ladies by floating down the river, we got this custom made life preserver.
Walking & Showering
It’s too cold to be messing with the river right now. But now I’m gonna put on his favorite outfit, his walking harness! That’s right, I take Wheatley out for walks, wanna fight about it? Alright, so we’re outside, we’ve got Wheatley up on his harness, ready to go. Sometimes it takes him a bit to get started cause you know, we don’t really walk in the winter.
I actually have footage of us walking on the old camera when the weather was still lovely. Alright, when he walks through some mud we’re gonna have to run him a bath. It’s not because he stinks. Ferrets don’t stink, that’s a stupid myth.
Do Ferrets Stink?
As long as you get them descented, which most of them are, ferrets don’t stink! Alright, so humans are 96 whatever degrees, right? Ferrets though are like 100, so they want the water just a little hotter than what you would like. And to set that proper hot mood, I usually need some tunes. I put some shampoo in the water itself, but in a minute I’ll lather him up too. The shampoo that I use is made by Marshall.
I’m just trying to break it up. And once we’re done with the bath, I put in some conditioner. It keeps him nice and soft and prevents him from being too itchy. Ferrets are really itchy! Next, I’m gonna dry him. For those of you who have a ferret, you know that once you put him on the ground, he goes crazy.
My ferret has long nails. So let’s cut them! How do most people get their ferrets to calm down enough to let them cut their nails? Ferrets have a built-in off switch. It’s called scruffing, and no, he doesn’t think this is some sort of punishment. I’ve never used it as a punishment. No, instead Wheatley just sits there nice and chill. How is he so chill? I have no idea. Some people say that pets take on the personalities of their owners.
So there you have it, the basics of owning a ferret! And the next time someone tells you that ferrets are hard to take care of or that they stink… you know ferrets. Thanks for reading!